Raising Successful Kids: Stop this…

Deb Maes - Thursday, January 21, 2016

smother “Over-Parenting”. That sums up the great advise I just read in this

The Los Angeles Times says this:

“Working with the quote-unquote best and brightest, I was seeing more and more [students] who seemed less and less capable of doing the stuff of life. They were incredibly accomplished in the transcript and GPA sense but less with their own selves, evidenced by how frequently they communicated with a parent, texting multiple times a day, needing a parent to tell them what to do.

“I’d been scolding other people for five or six years. One night I started cutting my 10-year-old son’s meat and realized I was enabling dependence on me. I could see the link between parenting and why my college students, though very accomplished academically, were rather existentially impotent.”

The article suggests 5 things that can put us as parents out of a job – in a good way. The most powerful for me was the last, ‘Let them try and fail’. You get why that is important, don’t you?!

Reminds me of one of my previous posts on facebook about rescuing and how this steals others life lessons…

rescuing “A soccer coach … he prepares his team before the game giving practice and feedback. And, calling or not, he’s there on the side, intently interested, BUT never once does he step on the field and kick the ball. In life though, we may see someone in trouble and think, ‘I need to help them’. Seems like the kind thing to do, but it’s really saying, ‘I don’t believe you can’. It’s their game, not yours. We all need both successful and failed attempts to learn and strengthen. So, don’t delay it, drag it out or steal the opportunities they’ve crafted for themselves. That can’t be kind, can it? This applies whether you’re the Manager, Parent, Partner, Sibling, Offspring or Friend.” There is a huge difference between supporting or encouraging someone to learn and doing it for them.

As parents, a good question to ask might be, ‘What am I enabling? Dependence or Independence?’