It’s 19 days since I almost died. It wasn’t scary to know I could be dead. I know, you don’t miss anything when you’re dead, because you simply are not here.
BUT, I had a flash of an altered reality – the one where I had died. All those whose lives I’ve touch: family, friends, colleagues, clients, business associates, community members, even those who read my tips, they had been touched in ways I had not appreciated, and I was surprised just who had been touched by my life and its loss. I saw their shock, disbelief, grief, loss, distress and it gave me a new understanding of what we mean to each other and what it is to ‘LOVE’.
And it is paradoxical… I appreciate how special I am to so many…how uniquely special I am, in an irreplaceable way, as are you too.
And, to each person it was a different thing that I meant to them, that they received from me. They knew ‘that’ thing they could not get anywhere else on the planet, except from me AND ‘that’ was gone. My going left a hole in their world. It’s the same for you. It’s true of you also. That’s how it is for us all. You too are touching people in ways you cannot fully know.
It has given me a new understanding of the expression, ‘I’m there for you’. Up til now, I’d thought, ‘we can’t always be ‘there’ for each other. Commitments, activities, and even health can take us away’. Now I know this isn’t true. Being ‘there’ happens in the mind. For all those people who experienced the loss of me, I had been ‘there’ in their mind. Unconsciously, I was ‘there’, even when they didn’t consciously think of me, talk to me or be with me, I was had still been ‘there’ for them. My dying took that ‘there-ness’ away in their mind and with that the special contribution I had made to them. This gave me a new appreciation of our value in just being who we are in the world … letting it ‘be’ the huge gift it is that we ‘see’, ‘hear’ and ‘know’ each other, however that is.
The experience also enabled me to value differently that I AM ‘there’ for you, because you are ‘here’ in my experience. In my mind, I DO hold you ‘here’. I can’t explain the power of the connection this creates, because it is not perceivable in our senses … you can’t see, hear or feel tangibly that holding of you that I do in my mind. BUT, in the ‘flash’ of the altered experience, I saw the impact of this being removed and I know it to be as real or even more so than what we experience in our physical world.
Now the paradox … I also saw that in the end, my going made no difference at all. Some grieved for years, others months, others weeks, others days, others hours and others just a moment. For all but a few, life went on and not much at all was changed. AND, in an odd way, that was comforting and freeing.
What I learned is … life is about being here, letting ourselves have the unique value we have, appreciating it impacts in ways we can’t fully know and being ‘here’ is more powerful the any THING we can do or say. AND, whatever we do or not, nothing catastrophic happens. Everything is still ‘OK’. So, I’m going to relax and enjoy being ‘here’, for you, even more.